Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
