I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
