If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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