I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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