Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
