You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
