mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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