My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
