Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
