I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
