Sacagawea was the original milf.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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