Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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