I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
