There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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