Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
