why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
