I didn't shave. On purpose
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
