This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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