On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
