Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
