Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
