so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
