Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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