Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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