why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
