Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
