If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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