I wannas sexs uuuuu
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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