His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
