we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
