My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
