Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
farters have to be the big spoon...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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