; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
