Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
