We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
one two three fourrrrnication!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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