Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
