Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
