today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
