dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You made out with two different species that night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
