remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
