she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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