It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
