We won't sleep together?
Too much gin, very little bucket
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
