my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Girls should come with a carfax report
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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