Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
