I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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