my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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