i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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