i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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