So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
