TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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