She is in my trunk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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