I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
