Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
