No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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