i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
