No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
