Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
