I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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