Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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