Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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